Friday, May 30, 2008

Pink Can Stink

I do not care (putting it lightly) for the mass marketing of the pink ribbon. I am all for breast cancer awareness and for raising money to find a cure. But I HATE when companies play it to make a profit. Pink ribbon everything.... going to have to brace myself in a few months for October's Pink Ribbon Hell. The reason is because most of these companies donate nothing or pennies for every profit dollar made off selling pink ribbon products.

For example, I was flipping through Heal magazine. Love the magazine! Great articles, a real asset for the cancer survivor. But I do chuckle a little when I see the ad for Arimidex because I didn't get my hot pink boxing gloves when I was given this prescription. And they seem pretty important in beating breast cancer.....

Anyway while looking at Heal magazine, I saw a particularly awful piece of pink crap being advertised. I mean really awful, tacky, hideous. I am so sorry if I offend anyone that actually likes these little collectibles. But here she is..... The Hope Shoe Collectible!

Price is $19.95 + $6.99 "shipping and service". Also, in the full-page ad, it states
"A portion of the proceeds from the sale of these limited-edition charity keepsakes will be donated to help in this important fight"

I thought that sounded suspiciously vague. So I emailed them and specifically asked what percentage of the proceeds are donated to charity and what specific charity or charities the funds are dedicated. The answer was as follows:"As per your email, 2% of each item sold goes to Breast Cancer Research."

OK, so out of the ~$27 dollars that a customers spends on this crap product, an entire forty cents is donated to "Breast Cancer Research." We can only hope that she meant the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

Obviously, if you just donate the $27.00 directly to breast cancer foundation instead, we win and the profiteers lose. Please check out the think before you pink website to look up which pink ribbon campaigns are worthwhile. And a big fat Boo Hiss Award to all the companies trying to profit on the fear, pain and suffering that breast cancer causes.

Friday, May 23, 2008

The Marge News Report

In recent developments....

1) My "m" key is on this fritz. So annoying!

2) I a going to the dup on Tuesday.

OK, put in a couple of m's for AM and DUMP. (See #1)
My son's third grade field trip is in need of adults. I am looking for my rubber boots today.

3) Kittens fart.

4) I do not know how to take a photo with my cellphone. I do not know how to send any phone photo to anyone else either. Apparently, my four year old daughter can do both.

I was sitting at my desk when my cellphone beeped. Text message. I don't know how to text anyone either. Message from my sis "Cute." How did she know I was? LOL, I call her to tell her she is losing her mind and she tells me I just sent her a picture of our new kitten. Oh, dear daughter.............

I think I can write a Dr. Seuss-like story:
I do not know how ......I do not know how .......daughter says "WOW, how can you not know how?"

5) The entire state of California can be rainy and stormy for Memorial Day Weekend. Oh ya, we can have tornadoes and hail storms too.

6) There is a need for all the broken jewelry and little beads and what not that I have accumulated. Please consider donating yours to Buttons and Dollars. My friend Hayley has a great post with contact information on her blog.

7) We have four bluebird nests in our menagerie of bird houses this spring. We also have at least two king snakes hanging out near the play structure. We hope they all play nice.

8) FOUND (when I cleaned out all the cabinets): pickles that were best by April 2004, twenty tubes of dried up frosting, thong underwear (worn for exactly 10 seconds) and a note from my then 6 year old son that said Mom, I need to speak to you up to my room right now. From your son. I found tons of other junk too. Want. To. Stop. Buying. Crap. Now.

9) If, by chance, a jelly bean rolls unnoticed under the griddle on your cook top, and you cook on the griddle for a week before you notice.....................well you are screwed.
Burnt, melted, stuck-on-there-forever screwed.

10) There is such thing as a drive by hissing. Just ask Melissa. I decided this is much better than a drive by farting. See #3.

11) My husband can do a dead-on Homer Simpson voice "I've got three words for ya Marge.................go... to........ the...... store! " (insert Homer laugh here)

And yes, I need to go to the store- see excuse #5, and reason why I don't wanna #8.

I guess I still need food around these parts....
But I have lost my appetite, reality #3.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Housecats of America

Poor things. It is a shame really that they such have a rough life. Especially in recent economic times. They might have to sleep a little more to conserve energy. So out of respect for their plight- I have a new design:

They started offering pet bowls at cafepress, so I felt obliged to create some designs for them. My pet section is just starting- check back soon as I have more in the pipeline!

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Can Be Frugal....I Can Be Frugal.....

I am trying to stay on budget for the first time in...... well ever. In the last few months, I have managed it by the skin of my teeth. Of course the price of everything, coincidentally, is going way up just to spite me ;)

And thanks to Susan I am more conscious of what we throw away.
So the story goes, dear daughter's booster seat is a hand-me-down, 5 year old thing. In perfectly good functional state, but the fabric is irreversibly nastified. Honestly, no one stain is too horrible. But her seat pales in comparison to dear daughter's friend's booster seats. New. Pink cheetah. Pink sheepskin. Pink Moo Cow. Dear daughter wanted a new booster seat. It would be ~$90 and she will probably need a booster seat for about 2 more years. (Side note: her poor brother is almost seven and only weighs 47 pounds. I think he will be in junior high before he hits the 60-pound booster-free zone since he has been gaining only one or two pounds a year.)

Now I was considering.............peer pressure at four years old........but the seat is kinda gross..........but we don't NEED a new one..........but she hasn't whined about it, just asked nicely a couple of times.............but I NEED to stay on budget........

then, brace yourselves, I had a fabulous idea. It was spur of the moment and cost exactly $14.99 (plus tax).

Here is my solution

Solution=Recycled Booster Seat

So I am happy to save $75, happy to not give or throw away a booster seat. Dear daughter is thrilled that she got to pick out the shiniest, hot pinkiest fabric in the store. I just tied back the stretchy veloury fabric (does anyone know the proper term?) with some silver ribbon. No sewing required. We are good to go. I think I can even wash it as needed.

So I tell dear husband the story of how I saved us $75 and all he had to say was "If you saved us any money, just put it on my dresser."

Friday, May 9, 2008

Getting Inked and Getting Patrick

We have a couple of new additions. First- the cute one. Dear husband relented and agreed to *gasp* a new kitten. His name is Patrick and he has been here one day. He is pretty cute, don't cha think? He is just the right mix of cute, playful, purry, curious, hyper, naughty and sleepy. The jury is out with our veteran cats. One is still in full hiss mode and the other is warming up to the little guy.

Dear husband was sweet. "Did they potty train him yet?"

Next up is my new ink. I am getting a tattoo on my stomach. You would think my mid-life crisis would have been over with the boob job and the tummy tuck......... Anyway, breast cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I was given a 24" scar above my pants line from the reconstruction. Hated it-looked like a shark attack. So cherry blossom branches are in the works. No black and very few blossoms are planned. I have all the main branches and some leaves done. Note inflamed areas. I had no idea tattooing was so painful- like a sunburn for a few days.

If you look close you can see the scar lurking. Trust me, it is much more noticeable in live flesh. And the tattoo is prettier in person too! It will probably be done in a few weeks.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Squirrel's Store

Yesterday, I knew it was coming. I am a seasoned veteran by now. The signs were there. Literally. Silly me assumed they were taped. They were glued.

You see, I have attended many shows and patronized many shops organized by my kids. I think my most expensive purchase was a 25 cent rubber ball and I have seen "The Worst Magic Show Ever" for 10 cents. I guess the modern world does not deal with cents anymore, because my keyboard does not have a cents symbol. Anyway, I guess I am happy the kids are such entrepreneurs.

OK, back to Squirrel's Store. I went after school.

I had to chose my package: hairstyle + face painting + nails or nails+ hairstyle + face painting. I picked the first one. Cost me a quarter. Now I look closer at the poster Squirrel's brother, The Artist, drew up for her.

Hairstyle choices: choice 1- Mohawk, choice 2- spiky hair, choice 3- pretty girl, choice 4- handsome boy, choice 5- unisex. Some were crossed off, so I assumed they got complaints about those. I must note that these were my interpretations. I chose #3 (pretty girl) because who knows? Maybe she can perform a miracle. I was informed that #3 was braids and was not for me. Hair too short. So I then pick #5 (unisex) and my stylist informs me she is not sure it will work because "Your hair is real crazy." Dear Squirrel has not seen Seinfeld- or else she would have said the fact- it looks like Kramer's hair even on a good day.

Check Spelling

I got my hair combed, "blow dried" and then we went on to face painting. I passed because the face paint supply was actually nail polish. Now I know why her brother was complaining about the makeup she put on his chest. I kept telling him to wash it off in the shower and he kept saying it would not come off. Then I picked out a nail polish color. Trust me the bright green was the best.

Then she had to get to her next customer, and brushed me off. Didn't even ask me when I would like to make my next appointment. Her assistant was pretty lazy- he just laid there.

So I am 25 cents poorer, but oh so rich in my heart.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Asphalt Jungle

Before I start on my new topic, I wanted to give an update on Squirrel's baby doll. Today, I spotted her sans giant pull-up. She has butterfly and heart stamps all over the back of her head and neck. I am not sure what she and Squirrel have been up to recently, but she (baby, I think her name is WooWoo) looks pretty tired.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.................

I have seen some pretty interesting things on the road. Literally on the road, in our very neighborhood. We moved here almost three years ago. While we were building our home, I would drive by daily during chauffeur duty. One day, as I am driving up a steep hill, I see a squirrel or something on the road. Expect it to move quickly away, doesn't move...wait it will run any minute....OMG! It is a tarantula in all it's glory. And no- it did not move more than an inch. Luckily, I had room to maneuver around it. I later told our builder that some one's pet tarantula was running around loose. He laughed and said they live here. What??? I think I had seen a few tarantulas- but they were always in a glass CASE at the ZOO.
Now, three years later the tarantulas and we are friends. They are actually interesting, not that aggressive and only come out August and September. I have made friends with much worse....

Last summer, I was zipping down the driveway to get the kids from school. Luckily I wasn't changing the station and my brakes were working pretty well, because stretched out across the driveway, soaking up the sun, in all it's glory, was a 5 foot king snake. Now, I did not know it was a king snake at the time. Not a snake expert. But I did know it was not a rattle snake. OK... I am waiting for him to move. Waiting.......move the car a little more..... Not moving.....looking my way, but not moving. What the heck am I going to do now? I am armed with a purse and maybe a flashlight. I get out and kind of stamp my feet and he slowly slithers over the curb of the driveway all the while staring at me with his beady little eyes. The scary thing is the second he was entirely over the curb, he became completely INVISIBLE in the grass. Remember, he was 5 feet long. There could be dozens out there for all I know. Found out king snakes are harmless and do eat gophers, so I consider him a new friend as well.

Well, of course animal traffic does get weirder. The other day, I was driving down the road. *Funny how it always starts out that way* and I see a furry, little something galloping down the road. Oncoming traffic! It turns out to be a big mouse. "Why is this critter running down the road?" I was wondering- probably out loud to myself. Well, it turns out, a cat was chasing him down the road. Of course, I mean why else would the mouse cross the road? Actually, they weren't crossing. They obeyed all traffic laws and stayed in their lane. There were no other cars around, so you will just have to take my word for it.

I wish I could have taken a picture, but the best I could do was try to photoshop something. We passed each other- destination and destiny unknown. Good luck mouse.